The Dark side of Escapism

The Prologue

I spent my first 3 years of “adulthood” high in one way or another.

Like most typically university students, there was a lot of partying, drinking and debauchery.

Which became more frequent than seeing the sun in winter months.

Then weed was reintroduced into my life.

A break from my everyday thoughts, feelings and actions. A way to let go and float along a blissful river of presence.

It became a escape from the world.

1 time turned into 2, which turned to multiple times a week, then multiple times a day.

Over time, smoking made more activities “better”,

• Great tasting food

• Interesting conversations

• More focus in the gym

It made the mundane exciting.

Much like the smell of a cigarette, weed seemed to linger around until high became my new normal.

I’ve always known I had the potential to live the good life,

One where time, money and work would be on my terms.

But I had no idea what that looked like or how to get there.

So instead of pursuing potential, I chased pleasure.

Riding the wave of cheap dopamine.

Because that was immediate and comforting, and what I wanted, seemed worlds away.

Motivation became suffocated by smoke.

A drug induced death of ambition.

So here I was, numbing myself from the world and all sense of responsibility.

This once occasional pleasure became a destructive habit of perpetual avoidance

One which took over my life.

It’s hard to realise how deep a hole you’ve dug whilst you’re still digging.

After 3 years of a worsening addiction to distraction. my mental, physical and social wellbeing had taken a beating.

Anxiety through the roof.

Self worth plummeting.

A feeling of wasted potential weighed heavy on my soul.

Everything I was running away from started to catch up,

Being high exacerbated the problems.

It was time to stop avoiding and start living.

Escapism and Avoidance

Escapism - Temporary detachment from reality

Possible ways of escaping:

• Music

• Exercise

• Movies

• Drugs

• Social Media

• Porn

• Gaming

• Creating

Any immersive experience creates escape.

It is a tool.

One which, used positively can alleviate stress, providing a break from the challenges of life. Rejuvenating spirit, energy and mental wellbeing.

With any tool, the results achieved depends on how it is used.

Imagine a hammer.

It can be used for shaping, assembling or removing nails.

Or as a murder weapon.

Escapism, among many other tools found in life’s toolkit, can be used to help or hinder your ability to show up for yourself.

It can become destructive when used to delay, divert or evade. Turning into Avoidance.

In my earlier example, escapism turned into avoidance to run away from accountability of creating the good life.

The action of detachment transitioned from momentary relief to constant immersion.

Ignoring reality to reduce perceived pain.

Perceived pain because the thought of doing something is often different to actually doing it.

In thought we magnify the time or effort required to complete the task.

How many times have you prolonged cleaning your room, sorting finances or having that awkward conversation?

The longer it’s left, the greater the pain of starting becomes.

Why escape?

Each of our experiences, situations and problems are different. But there are underlying reasons as to why we experience escapism.

• A release of dopamine: dopamine is a chemical in our brain which is released with pleasurable activities.

• Entertainment: Music, sports and TV offer solace from reality providing immersive experiences

• Coping mechanism: Dealing with a challenging situation, providing comfort or distraction to manage well-being

• Release of Stress and pressure: Detachment from weight of day to day living, balancing mood.

Making positive change

Each of us will use escapism and avoidance for different reasons. Some helping and some harming. By becoming aware of the ways you are harming yourself can lead to positive change.

These questions have helped me gain alignment and change actions for the better.

Q1: What areas/ circumstances is avoidance having a undesirable outcome?

Q2: What are the potential reasons I’m driven to escape instead of solve? (The reason may be unknown, keep listing reasons until you come across one which feels right)

Q3: If i continue on this path, what would my life look like in a year?

Q4: Is this what I want?

Q5: What do I want instead in 1 years time?

Q6: What is the first and easiest step I can take to achieving this?

If you answered no to Q4, then this forms part of your anti goal - what you are running away from.

From Q5 you have a goal, something to run toward.

These goals become the larger forces driving your behaviour.

On the day to day focus Q6, what is the easiest step to take moving you away from your anti goal and towards your desired one.

Small choices, over a period of time compound into massive results.

Stack the small wins.

Focus on the next step and eventually you will climb the mountain.

Zoom out

When escaping or avoiding we are often looking for short term relief. Focused only on the now.

The to do list of life seems never ending. Work, personal pursuits, social lives, house work, cooking, family…

Do you ever find yourself relaxing before completing tasks?

With the intention that will provide you with the motivation, energy or rest to complete it.

How does that go?

Zoom out, imagine how much time you’ve spent avoiding tasks only to have to do them anyway.

Not only extending the time it took to complete, but the amount of mental bandwidth used thinking/avoiding the task. Trying to ignore, delay and wish it done.

How often have you magnified the time, annoyance or difficulty of a task. avoiding it’s completion only to realise it wasn’t that bad.

Or worse,

You’ve wasted time.

Try a different method for one day.

Do tasks immediately, without complaint, without avoidance and see for yourself what happens.

Suddenly you gain time back,

What you initially thought would be draining, actually uplifts your spirit.

You achieve more in less time.

When you stop prioritising right now at the expense of the near or distant future,

Your life can change.

Do you set your future self up for success or failure?

Your life is a culmination of all the previous decisions you’ve made.

It’s easier to look outward. a person, an environment or a past experience to be the reason you are the way you are.

What or whoever you blame, you’re right. whether you believe in yourself or not, you’re right.

You decide who or what has power over you.

To look in the mirror and take responsibility is a truth not everyone is willing bear.

And yet, it is the biggest decisions this life has to offer.

The choice is yours.

Take stock and step into your potential

All the best,

Morgan Bedford