The Problems with Self-improvement

In the relentless pursuit of becoming, a self-improver forgets the art of being.

Chasing a brighter future, fixated on what can be, on who we can be. The problems begin when we are so focused on the future that the present moment becomes a means to an end. Except, self-improvement does not finish. What once felt like the finish line becomes another hurdle in the infinite game of development.

The outcome, is a life spent outside of the present moment.

My journey began 7 years ago, unhappy with circumstances and a burning desire to change. I stumbled across what felt like a new world. A world where the people within it have transformed themselves and their lives through Self-improvement.

After devouring countless hours of content, I was hooked on the philosophy of complete personal accountability to change. I began my mission to transcend.

After 7 years of back and forth, trial and error, and ups and downs - my perspective of this space has changed. Everything that is written here today is simply perspective and not fact. That being said here are my issues with the common advice and dogma of the self-help space:

1. Everything is done in pursuit of a goal.

Nothing is simply done for the sake of it. Meditation is promoted for its benefits of destressing and detachment, and not simply to meditate. Reading becomes a task to be checked off instead of the pursuit of knowledge. Talking to strangers becomes about building social skills and not building connections. Living in this way can increase skills, introduce new habits and create new pathways. But I believe there is a core ingredient missing, a special spice which makes life worth living. Attention is taken away from the present to a desired future.

2. Success is placed at an arbitrary point in the future

“Only when I’ve reached X amount per month. When I’ve run a marathon, read ALL the books, yes all…

Will I then be successful.”

A point which adjusts as its completion nears. A silent agreement to never be content with where you are or what you’ve accomplished because there is always more to do.

Success is subjective. Defined differently for each individual. Most want it but have not taken the time to ponder it, define it and question assumptions about what it truly means to be successful. That is one reason why most who by anyone’s standard, have achieved a great deal but do not have the belief they have “made it”.

The saddest part is that the only person who determines if someone is successful is themselves.

3. Inadequacy focused

I was fixated on where I wanted to go and who I wanted to become. To the point where I’d be focused only on what I’m not doing to achieve that. If the focus is only on the gap between the current and ideal self, it leaves no room to look back and reflect. There is power in seeing how far you’ve come.

One of the biggest motivators I’ve found is reflecting on how I used to think, be or act and realising “F*ck I’ve come a long way, that’s crazy. What else am I capable of?”

Being fixated on either the past or the future is not good. But never looking back to see how far you’ve come is stupid too. The past provides evidence that you have overcome adversity and made progress. The future provides a north star to align actions. The present moment is where the magic happens, it is all we have. The past and future are in the mind. Without embracing what is happening right here and now, we are constantly living within the mind.

4. Importance of rest, recovery and play

There is an emphasis on one’s ability to constantly grind. Without promoting the effectiveness of rest, recovery and play. There are multiple ways to work on yourself, some of them include not “working” at all.

Exploration and play form key parts of growing as a person, and I’ve found these subjects not to be highlighted or pursued in favour of the grind for status, wealth and career success.

There are multiple forms of wealth. Some of which cannot be attained through work.

5. Changing oneself and not accepting oneself.

Arguably the biggest flaw of the concept of self-improvement. Creating a gap between who you are and who you want to be. Producing or enhancing the inferiority of now. In the hopes that some amount of external accomplishment will fill the internal gap. Without the ability to accept who you are, what is happening and that you are okay, self-improvement is just another distraction from the real issue at play.

This is not a lesson which can be taught. Understand why you are looking to improve yourself and what are the deep-seated beliefs and assumptions that lay the foundation of that.

Self-improvement is not bad, nothing is. It helps people take control of their lives. Look ahead to a positive future and start taking action to transform. But self-improvement is only part of the puzzle.

To complete this puzzle, we must integrate self-love and presence.

Self-love includes acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. To understand we are flawed individuals who do the best we can, and to be kind to ourselves as we are to the ones we love. To forgive our mistakes and heal our relationship with self.

Presence is sitting in what is, total acceptance of now. A removal of judgment, desire and overthinking to find joy in the small moments of life.

As always, stay curious.

Morgan Bedford