Embracing The Flow of Life

On the 21st of April, I handed my notice in at the local convenience store. With new beginnings on the horizon and the excitement of my first extended trip abroad, I was elated the day had finally come.

After a difficult 6 months of power struggles, different world views and more headaches than I ever expected from a part-time role - I felt at peace knowing it was all coming to an end. little did I know that peace wouldn’t last long.

On the 23rd of April, I was handed a letter from a manager of a different store. Confused as to what it may be, I open it on the spot to ease my curiosity. The letter read:

Morgan Bedford.

You are invited to attend a formal investigation for alleged theft.

After reading the letters content I laugh. Part shock, confusion and amazement. I shot a look at the manager who handed me the letter and asked sarcastically “Is she for real?”. The meeting was to be held 3 days from now. Adrenaline is now coursing through my body. I spend the rest of the shift running through the whole scenario over and over and over again.

“How could she do this”, “I’ve done nothing wrong”, “I leave in 4 weeks, what is the point” - me to myself.

My mind is in overdrive, in an attempt to control the situation. But it only makes matters worse. The events completely consume me for the next 2 days.

This situation could have been squashed by a simple conversation. But because a woman twice my age, in a senior position, could not keep her cool. I was put in a situation that has the potential to not only fire me from my job immediately but to ruin my reputation and brand me as a thief.

Knowing that the one conducting the investigation is a friend of my manager. I had no room for error. She was out to ruin me and I couldn’t let that happen.

I had the home ground. Sat in the canteen of the shop, in the spot I eat dinner in every shift. A strange place to conduct a formal investigation but I wasn’t complaining.

I sit up straight, focusing on my breathing and sensing a slight tension in the air. The opposition crammed into the corner of the room, sitting sideways to face me.

For a meeting of formality, they made no effort to rearrange the chairs and table to create a more serious tone, given the allegation. They would have set the tone without speaking a word. Instead, they conform to the seating arrangement, not a powerful first move.

He looked uncomfortable, his steely blue eyes unable to fix on mine for very long. As the tennis match begins, he hits me with a serve, asking an opening question to get me talking. I instantly serve back with a question of my own, asserting myself into the driver's seat of the conversation. Strong opening move.

The accusation was that I had not followed the correct process, and she was right. But one major flaw in her argument was that the entire shop follows the wrong process so I cannot be singled out.

And so, the only strong argument became null and void. That was not realised by the opposition until coming to the same conclusion 4 more times. And thus the game looked like Novak vs a middle-tear player. They are in the game but as Novak dances around, in flow, enjoying the process. They are exhausted, trying hard - too hard. With not a lot of success.

40 minutes in, he asked for a time out to “collect his thoughts”. He came here believing the outcome was set in stone. That I was guilty. The investigation was meant to be held impartially but that didn’t seem to be the case.

Moments before the break, I could see the fear and acceptance in his eyes. I felt victory was near.

Fight or flight mode was in full swing, my adrenaline pumping, my body shaking and sweating. But managing to keep it at bay. Cool, calm and collected on the outside, but my body and mind working overtime to maintain, control and perform.

We reconvene and the decision is made. I am not guilty. Fucking ecstatic, I sigh in relief.

I knew it would happen from the moment of its conception.

Why am I telling you this story?

It is not to gloat in victory or complain I was a victim.

Shit happens and we are in no position to control or alter what has led to it. But from the moment shit hits the fan we have a choice.

To play the victim “Poor me, why me, this isn’t fair”

Or to embrace what is unfolding before us.

To accept the suck, acknowledge our feelings and not waste precious time or energy wishing things to be different.

Because no amount of wishing things to change will make an ounce of difference. All we can do is push forward with as little resistance as possible.

Life is always going to throw curve balls, our mission is to respond with as much presence, grace and acceptance and return the serve as best as we can.

Moments like this are opportunities to show ourselves what we a truly capable of. The only thing we have control over is our response to circumstances.

Yes, we still react. We may be upset, angry, distraught. And that’s okay. We are not demonising our feelings or thoughts. Simply allowing them to be, and choosing to respond as best we can.

Imagine a life where no matter what happens in the external world, you are completely okay. Able to respond to any situation because you have surrendered to the present moment. You have cultivated an impenetrable peace and acceptance of life. Which allows you to respond not from a place of inadequacy, lack or complaint but from a position of personal power.

That all is well, all of the time. Regardless of what happens.

I am here today, to tell you that is possible.

There are two books which have bestowed this elegant way of life into the hands of many.

Letting Go by David Hawkins and The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer.

The former is a deep dive into the power of letting go. Of accepting ourselves, our emotions and what happens in life. To operate from a place of love and peace. The latter is a miraculous account of what unfolded in Michael's life as he surrendered to the moment, a glimpse at what is possible if we follow suit.

Letting go

Feelings align on a spectrum from anger, guilt and sadness to love, joy and peace. Each holds an energetic charge. Everything is made from energy, emotion is no different. As we flow through the emotional spectrum, the amount of energy held by each emotion is increased.

No emotion is “bad” or “wrong”, each has its place and all are okay, all are part of the human experience. The issue arises when these emotions persist through repression, obsession or reaction.

Feelings arise and our minds find ways of rationalising these feelings.

All “negative” feelings are our problem. Which bestows the power of our internal state back into our hands. Negativity does not exist within a situation, it resides in our reaction to the situation as we see it.

It takes energy to hold down our feelings. By holding onto certain feelings: anger, guilt, sadness etc. We cause unnecessary suffering.

We have to come up to the level of courage (See Map above) to look at our worst feelings and accept them as part of the human experience and remember we are only held accountable for what we do with them.

When we surrender, letting go of all judgment, the situation is transfigured and we liberate ourselves from suffering.

When we accept feelings as they are, not trying to change or justify them, we transcend the smaller aspects of ourselves through acceptance and love.

The more we love the more we can love. Love is a limitless resource. The love you have for your friends and family does not subtract any energy or emotional wellbeing from yourself, it only enhances your experience.

We can choose not to believe in a negative belief system. We can choose how we respond when circumstances cause emotional reactions.

By removing the resistance you have towards particular emotions, allowing yourself to feel and process. You release stored energy and remove any judgment that prohibits you from placing your best foot forward.

Letting go is the key to living a more joyous, light and loving life.

The Mind as a Master

Become aware of what you are buying into, and what you are accepting daily.

We have been conditioned to listen to the voice in our heads. to accept its justifications and listen to its reasoning. Even when it does not serve us.

It is a terrific storyteller. Often doing a great job of convincing us to stay small.

Picture a time you were about to try something new, something that elicited both excitement and fear. I will use the example of cliff jumping. You’ve watched countless people do it from this spot throughout the day, as you reach the edge fear is coursing through your body. Your mind begins to give you reason after reason as to why you shouldn’t jump.

“what if you slip”

“what if you land wrong”

“what if the water is shallow”

The more you listen, the more fear is heightened. Causing many to turn around and quit.

Thoughts are an endless rationalisation of feelings. Once we let go of the associated feelings, then the onslaught of thoughts attached to the experience are removed

For too long have we allowed it to drive our livelihood. Except we aren’t truly living, not to the extent of our potential.

Stoicism, Buddhism and Hinduism all discuss the ability to keep a steady mind and detach from impulsive thoughts. To master the mind through mindfulness and presence to act vigilently.

It is of the utmost importance that we recognise the fleeting nature of thoughts and that the mind is a terrible ruler. To be free of its enslavement and begin to use it as a tool.

Embrace your feelings, detach from thought and begin to operate from a state of love.

I hope this piece has served you.

Stay curious and always remember,

I love you.

Morgan Bedford